May 21, 2009


so i have thoroughly decided that i need to start writing (or is it typing?) on here. i have way too many thoughts floating around in my head and needless to say, writing them down would be a great joy. if no one reads these thoughts, so be it. at least they are down and somewhat out of my head. i've tried keeping journals (and i still do) but maybe this will be a little easier...who knows. it is worth a try, right?

anyway, life has been crazy busy lately, or so it seems. times like these make me totally and completely depend on the Lord for my strength and my ultimate comfort. do you ever get to a point where you have soo many things on your to-do list, that you just
know you will never get around to doing all of them? that's how i feel. i truly, truly miss being bored sometimes. boredom can be a beautiful thing. silence can be beautiful as well. "be still and know that I am God.."

so last time i checked, there is one hundred and something days until the wedding. ah! part of me thinks "too far...way too far away.." yet i know that there are still a gazillion things left to do. to be completely honest, it feels as if i haven't really planned all that much yet.
place? check.
reception? check.
dress? check.
people? hmm..check.
and that's about as far as the planning has gotten. at least i have an idea of how it's all going to look...the atmosphere of the wedding. there are just all of the details that still need to be planned. not to mention the catering, invitations, etc. etc. more than anything, however, is that i want Jesus to be on display on that lovely day, september 20th. i want
Him to be glorified more than anything.

other details...
thankfulness, thankfulness, thankfulness... oh do i have it. but not always...
the last couple weeks i've struggled some...with purpose. with what i am meant to do in life...where i'm meant to do it..and how i'm going to do it. this has been a big struggle for me lately, and i think it's due to my personality where i seem to always be looking for the next thing....never staying put in the present moment. (oh, not a good thing!) i sometimes wonder why God has given me a heart that loves so many different things all at one time. i mean, wouldn't it be easier if i just loved making people well? that's it. then i could be a doctor. or wouldn't it be easier if i just loved teaching people? then i could be a teacher. or a nurse. or something. but for some reason i love to do way too many things...and can't seem what to choose to do. must i chose just
one? photography, mission work, children, music, art, more music....all of them i love.
maybe, just maybe, i need to let go. maybe i'm not going to be like everyone else with a certain "profession" doing "professional things." maybe that is not the Lord's plan for my life and i must learn to be ok with that. who am i anyway? i am a child of God, created in His image! that is what matters the most. i want Jesus Christ to be glorified in my life more than anything else... can i not do that in any season in my life doing whatever it is that He leads me to do?
i must take a deep breath, and realize that i'm young. this life is the Lord's not mine He will lead me. why must i worry? (thank you, Jesus, for your sweet patience..)


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