February 22, 2010


a few weeks ago i found out that i was pregnant. woahh. talk about unexpected! jay and i were planning to wait quite a few years to start have any kids but i guess that wasn't God's plan. at first, when i found out, i was beyond shocked. i couldn't believe it! i was afraid of what people's reactions would be, what people would say. we've had people ask us "why so soon?" "what? you've only been married this long, i thought you were going to wait" "how are you going to take care of a baby?"  i'm finding it's truly amazing how our society puts a negative outlook on having kids young. i mean, jay and i are married, aren't we? 

now that everything has soaked in, i'm thankful. i'm a bit scared, curious, excited, happy, amazed all at the same time. i really feel bad for jay because i know that he's had to put up with all of the rollercoaster emotions i'm going through. :) one night i'm crying because i don't think i'm ready and another day i'm freaking out and wondering if it's safe to use lysol and windex in our apartment. one drop of a pin, and i feel like i could cry. realllly strange emotions. i hear it gets better, the exhaustion and sickness goes away, and i'm praying that is the case! 

it's also been humbling to quit school and find a job and start working. i had dreams of being someone successful and being able to finish school early, start working, make money, travel, enjoy time with jay. i'm learning to let go some of those dreams. my dreams are not really my dreams anymore. the Lord knows the plans that He has for me. it's also weird knowing that my friends' ambitions aren't going to be so much like mine anymore. will we have anything in common anymore? what do i say? most of my friends aren't even married let alone having a baby. a little feeling of loneliness can be overwhelming at times. i feel as though i need to find a whole new set of friends. not that i'm not going to love my friends and be with them as much as i can, but..i can already tell how interests, etc. are so much different now. 

i'm thankful and each day truly is a blessing. i am praying for a very healthy baby and a healthy pregnancy as well. all glory be to God!

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